Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Start

Hello, let me introduce myself.  I am a big hot mess.  Fortunately high-functioning.  Not the greatest writer.  I am starting a blog as a sort of journal, and I don't expect to be a regular poster.  This is supposed to be therapeutic, right?  As long as I don't have to pay an actual therapist, I'll try anything.  So here's all the stuff I've struggled with in the past (and present):  suicide attempts, eating disorders, drug abuse, uncontrollable rage, cutting, depression and/or some other undiagnosed mental illness,  possibly ADHD.  

I just realized last week that I have absolutely no empathy for other people.  I can't care about other people.  I know how to act like I do, and that's how I get by socially.  I am currently in the first healthy relationship in my entire life.  I feel like it's just a matter of time before I screw it up.

And no, this isn't me whining, it's me stating the cold hard facts.  Most days I actually like myself.  I think I'm pretty damn cool.  The coolest person I've ever met.  As I once said to my sister (who wholeheartedly agreed) "I have an enormous ego for someone with such low self esteem."  Story of my life.

Nice to meet you, too!

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